I lived my entire childhood walking on eggshells not knowing what to expect, trying so hard to be perfect out of fear they'd disown me. When I couldn't heal that for them, they started resenting us. Growing up as the kid with the job of healing that wound for them was a HUGE weight on my shoulders. It's advertised as a Band-Aid to infertility, and it's not. "While I think the right intentions were there, I don't think the adoption industry really screens adoptive parents enough, provides enough education on trauma, etc. I could tell how we were treated differently than other kids in our family." Before I discovered I was adopted, I recognized our family dynamic was different. Found out by accident around the age of 5. I love my family though and wouldn’t change anything about them." - Mel275Ĩ.
It’s been better since (I feel more OK saying I’m adopted), but the memory and feelings I have are still there. ('Why don’t you look the same? They're not your real parents - are you adopted?' etc.). It really bothered me that random kids at school or public places felt they had the right to ask things like this. If they knew, they’d ask questions that were really invasive and rude. "I never wanted new school kids to know that the red-haired, white-skinned, blue-eyed lady is my mom. I think the most challenging thing I’ve faced as a TRA is that it’s noticeable that I don’t look like my parents, and that’s made me really self-conscious." My parents were open about that all the time. I never knew my birth parents and don’t plan to find them.
"I’m a trans racial adoptee (TRA), meaning I’m of one race and my parents are a different one.